I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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