I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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