I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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