we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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