So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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