census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm passing your future prison.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize