I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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