what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A+ Viking dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
