Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
