i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
