I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
