Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
