Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No subtext here. People are naked.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
