I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
