I have demons in me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize