I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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