literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
