Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
