girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
