My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
