is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
