I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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