My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
