I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
