did you get engaged???
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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