Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
