If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize