Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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