you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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