please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
