Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
