Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
