nut hugger
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
