My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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