Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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