Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
