no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
