No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
