Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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