My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
