i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
