I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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