You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize