Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
