Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
