So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
