He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
