well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
