Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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