just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
