If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
