well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
