Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
