She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
