piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
