I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
