Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
