She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
