Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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