none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
