you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize