We won't sleep together?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
