he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
