a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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