I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
